The Counselor - The WTH!!!

You ever watched a movie, left the theatre, and thought, "what the heck"?  That's how I felt after watching Ridley Scott's The Counselor.  I left baffled and confused, and I was pretty much that way throughout the entire film.

Where to start?  I don't really know what was happening in the movie, but I'll tell you what I got.  A Texas lawyer, known as The Counselor,  played by Michael Fassbender, makes some sort of deal, I'm assuming illegal, with this flashy man, simply named Reiner, who makes a lot of money, which I also will assume, illegally.  Reiner is played by a spikey-haired, Versace-wearing Javier Bardem.  Reiner's woman of the moment is Cameron Diaz.  I never learned her name.  I also never learned her purpose other than by any means necessary fouling up their deal and getting someone's money.  Brad Pitt plays some sort of Texas middle-man.  He's in and out of the movie, and I never really understood his role either.

I assume all dealings are illegal because the movie takes place in Juarez, Texas and somewhere in Mexico.  There is a lot of mention of The Cartel.  What the deal was, and who else is involved?  I have no clue.  I just know that something goes wrong when Rosie Perez's son is murdered for whatever he had in his helmet.  I couldn't tell if Rosie Perez, one of The Counselor's clients, is in on it or not.  She's just randomly inserted in the movie too.  Once things begin to go wrong for whatever reason The Counselor simply wants to protect his new fiance played by the funny-looking and funny-talking Penelope Cruz from The Cartel, and then all hell breaks loose.

I apologize if I'm rambling or if this synopsis seams all over the place, but that's how the movie feels.  Last time I saw a Ridely Scott movie, I was praising it.  Last week, Michael Fassbender was one of my favorite characters in the movie.  Together, you would think this movie would be amazing.  It was amazingly confusing.  At one point Reiner tells a story about Cameron Diaz's character having sex with his car.  It was randomly inserted in this movie, and was pointless.  The only thing I did like about the movie was Cameron Diaz's wardrobe.  Her looks rivaled any skinny chick's on a catwalk.  I loved EVERYTHING she wore, and her hair was giving me Cruella Deville 3.0.  I loved it!  That's about the only thing.

I need someone else to go The Counselor just so they can try to explain it to me.  Other than that, pass on this one.  Maybe Ridley needs to stick with alien movies because this one was just too WTH for me.