Once upon a time there was a girl who liked to watch movies with vampires, werewolves, aliens, monsters, hobbits, dragons, ghosts, and witches. This week she chose Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters. She didn't have extremely high expectations for this movie, but was hoping that at least the cheesiness of it would keep her entertained for 90 minutes. And well, it did!
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters follows the siblings many years after their treacherous trip through the forest where they found the house made of candy and the witch wanting to eat them. After killing that witch by pushing her through the furnace, they began a journey killing witches and making a living off of it. They are employed by a town where witches are kidnapping children. They must find the children and kill the witches in the process. They also discover a little more about their past and learn what happened to their parents that fateful day in the forest.
This movie is very gruesome and definitely not for kids. I didn't know there were automatic weapons back in fairytale land or that women were allowed to wear pants and curse like sailors, but clearly you can do anything you want when hunting witches. This movie was a bit bizarre (Hansel and Gretel's relationship is a little incestuous) and very cheesy, but I enjoyed it. There is lots of blood and guts and exploding witches. There's also a huge troll with a soft heart. I mean, this movie has everything except a big named actress well unless you want to count Jeremy Renner or Famke Janssen. All-in-all, I enjoyed it. It's not for everyone, but if you liked Van Helsing or any Underworld movie then you may enjoy this one. The End.
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