300: Rise of an Empire - More than 300 minutes of BORING and BLOOD!

I'll keep this short.  The movie 300: Rise of an Empire was boring and gory.  It wasn't very good and a huge disappointment to me.  I fell asleep twice, and I wasn't the only one.  A little more than thirty minutes into the movie, the man behind me was snoring, and the guy next to me was curled up next to his boo taking a nap.

I loved 300!  I have it on DVD.  I've seen it one time too many.  There's nothing like a bunch bare-chested men with 6-packs for days slinging a sword around with brute strength.  Unfortunately, this sequel or prequel (I'm still a little confused about that because the movie takes place before, during, and after the events in 300) was trying too hard to make a good story where there really wasn't one.

There were more muscle-bound, sword-slinging men, but they threw a bad-arse chick in the mix who was supposed to be sexy and domineering, but she came off too hard and repulsive.  I was over her, her big hair and bad make-up (I was digging her costume changes), and the movie fifteen minutes after it began.  The opening fight scene was extremely graphic.  It was clear that 300: Rise of an Empire was made for 3D because there was fake blood splatting across the screen throughout the whole movie.  Decapitations and flying arrows were in abundance.  This film was just too savage and gruesome.  Anyone with a weak stomach should not watch.

I won't be watching this movie again.  I'm not recommending it to anyone, but if you do see it and you like it, please tell me why.  Sadly, 300: Rise of an Empire is another example of why you shouldn't make a sequel, especially a long one with a poorly written storyline.

The Legend of Hercules - Where's Kevin Sorbo when you need him?

It's 2014, and I decided to kick off the new year with greek mythology.  The Legend of Hercules starring Kellan Lutz, was the kick-off event, and if this is how the movies of 2014 are going to be, it's going to be one long year.  I would have rather watched two hours of Kevin Sorbo in Hercules: The Legendary Journeys than this movie.  (SN:  I use to love Hercules and Zena back in the day.  I'm pretty sure I've seen every episode at least twice.)  

I would have rather watched two hours of anything else for that matter.  As cheesey as The Legendary Journeys was, this movie is much worse.  

Kellan Lutz's burst on the scene as Emmett Cullen in the Twilight Saga although he's been in numerous movies before then.  No one really cared until he put on some muscles and took off his shirt, but was that enough to make him the lead in a movie?  

Ummm, NO!  His acting isn't really the problem, although it's a small part of it.  The storyline itself is the biggest problem of it all.  This movie is like a cross between Troy, Gladiator, and The Passion of the Christ.  In the movie, Hercules is born from an erotic mystical moment between Zeus and Queen Alcemene.  Twenty years later, his step-father, King Amphitryon, has promised his love, Princess Hebe, will marry his half-brother.  Then the king sends Hercules off to war, and Hercules vows to return before the doomed marriage.  While away, Hercules is sold into slavery and forced to fight to the death.  Upon his return, the people begin to take his side, and Hercules now has to fight the king and his brother for the throne and his love.  

The budget for this film is $70 million, but the CGI, the action, and the actors make this movie feel like it cost $100, 000.  I swear for Zues, a two-hour reunion movie with Kevin Sorbo and Lucy Lawless would have been better, much more entertaining, and on a much lower budget.  I'm really hoping this is the worst movie of the year, and that it only gets better from here because I'm not going to make it to december with horrible movies like this.  I mean how am I supposed to take this movie seriously when white men have weaved in braids?  

Oh well.  I may go see The Lone Survivor tomorrow.  That could be good.  Until next time.  

Monsters University - It barely gets a passing grade

Pixar and Disney has been a great combination for the last decade when it comes to making great movies such as Toy Story and Monsters Inc, but I'm not so sure if the dynamite duo did it this time with Monsters University.  Monsters University is the prequel to Monsters Inc starring Billy Crystal and John Goodman as the monsters Mike Wazowski and James P. Sullivan.  This movie tells the story of how the two met, formed their unbreakable bond, and become the leading scarer team at Monsters Inc.

My major problem with the movie is the length.  With previews it's slightly over two hours long.  That's a long time for a kids movie.  The storyline is also quite slow, so slow my mom fell asleep a couple of times and I almost did too.  There was a huge chunk of the movie I felt could have been cut out.  I understand that it laid a foundation, but it could have been done in a more condensed fashion to get to the more entertaining part.

I'm sure the adult audience wasn't that entertained.  Everyone, except my grandmother who said she liked it, looked like they were ready for a nap.  The kids appeared intrigued, but I didn't hear a lot of giggles and laughter from them.  The storyline was a bit adult with bullying, fraternity life, life changes,  and such.  I'm not so sure if the kids really got it.  There weren't a lot of jokes or slapstick comedy, so that didn't help with kid's enjoyment.  They just kind of stared at the screen and waited for it to end.

Monsters University passes with a C-.  It didn't live up to the greatness of Monsters Inc and what Pixar and Disney is capable of doing.  I actually like the short film before the movie called The Blue Umbrella.  It was really cute, and much more entertaining.

White House Down next week starring I wanna Channing all over you Tatum and Jamie Foxx!

Temptation - TP's slowly getting better

I'm gonna try not to bash Tyler Perry too much during this posting, so let me start with the positive.  Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor stars the young Jurnee Smollett-Bell.  She has grown up to be a beautiful young actress.  She's always been a great actress to me even when younger.  Now she's even more fantastic and did an excellent protrayl of a married woman who feels negelcted by her husband and subcomes to the advances of a young handsome millionaire. 

Now, let's get into it.  TP has woman issues.  He always seems to write movies and plays about troubled women who fall for aggressive men and then need to be saved by some other man.  All women aren't troubled, and all women don't need to be saved.  TP writes the same movie over and over again.  It's the same movie dressed up in different clothes.  I'm over this concept.  Why can't he write a movie about a strong black man living a powerful life, or what about a strong confident black woman living a colorful and exciting life.  He can't because he doesn't want to or doesn't know how. 

Don't get me wrong, the movie isn't bad.  It's funny and entertaining.  It's also extremely predictable.  I was only somewhat surprised by one aspect of the story, and even that didn't help with the depth of the character.  His characters are always one dimensional.  They usually have some deep seeded issue that never ever really gets resolved.  The woman is usally angry because of past relationships and is only finally content when some heroic man comes to save the day. 

I am fine that the movie didn't really have a completely happy ending.  Sometimes, life isn't perfect and doesn't always end happily.  But, all the issues weren't really resolved, and I guess we're supposed to use our imaginations.  He is getting better.  In ten years, his movies may actally be good.  Until then, I'll keephopefully watching.