Transformers: Age of Extinction - Extinction of a Franchise

First big bummer of the summer is Transformers:  Age of Extinction.  I was hugely disappointed, and I think you will be too.  Honestly, the movie franchise has been going down hill since Sam Witwicky's mother ate a pot-laced brownie in the sequel.  I didn't like that one, and although the third installment was slightly better, this one just didn't do it for me either.   I really think that Michael Bay, the director, needs to cut his loses before the Transformers' legacy is ruined.

Huge problem number one:  This movie is too long.  It's almost three hours long!!!!  It just keeps going and going and going.  The fourth movie in the series starts off promising, but things quickly take a turn for the worst on the screen and with your patience level.  There were many opportunities for the movie to end, but it didn't.  At the two and a half hour mark, I was so done, but then yet another action scene began.  I will say this, during the three hours, you will get tons of actions.  The Autobots have a numerous amount of enemies this time, so the action never really lags, but it does get a bit monotonous.

Huge problem number two:  Storyline.  Storyline.  Storyline.  While the story sorta makes sense, it just doesn't flow very well.  Set mainly in Paris, TX (where everyone who really lives there have thick accents and yet no one in the movie did, for once) and Hong Kong, the Autobots are now fugitives while a corporate CEO has created his own transformers using parts from Megatron in an effort to be the leading supplier of these new human controlled transformers.  Meanwhile, prehistoric Transformers are trying collect Optimus Prime and take him back to their creator while helping the government who is in cahoots with this CEO to create these new transformers.  There's so much more, but if I tell you anything else, I'll give too much away.  And, if your head hurts trying to figure all of that out, just know you have three hours to sit there and do it.

Huge problem number three:  The dialogue.  There's no more Shia Lebouf, but I don't think he would have made it better.  Funnier, but not better.  FYI, it has many funny moments, so he wasn't even needed for that.  Mark Wahlberg is a quirky engineer who finds Optimus Prime, and spends the entire movie trying to protect his daughter while helping giant robots because they really need some tiny little human's help.  Stanley Tucci, John Goodman, and Kelsey Grammer are the other big stars in the movie, but unfortunately their experience can't help the horrible script.  The dialogue is terrible.  They were just saying things, mostly stupid things, just to be saying something.  "I'm not here to help you save your daughter; you're here to help me save my girlfriend," is by far my favorite.  I mean, they all say pointless things like that.  But, when you're trying to fill three hours with a weak storyline, I guess that's what you have to write.

I really wanted to like this movie.  I kept hoping it would get better, but sadly it didn't which sucks because I was really excited to watch it with my new movie buddy, E. Weezy (shout out to my Twin for allowing to borrow her boo).  The first Transformers movie was the best one.  They are  honestly and truly going to make this franchise extinct if they don't pull it together in the next feature.  Oh yes, they'll definitely be a fifth movie.  yeah...

Think Like A Man Too - Too Funny

Think Like A Man based on Steve Harvey's self-help book was an extremely entertaining movie.  I laughed so hard, mostly at Kevin Hart, so I was very eager to see the sequel.  Think Like a Man Too picks up in Vegas with the entire cast returning for the wedding of one of the couples in the group.  Kevin Hart's character, Cedric, is the best man.  He's determined to be the best best man ever, and through an awesome bachelor party in Vegas.

The women are determined to have an even better bachelorette party.  The maid of honor has all types of Vegas activities planned, but first that have to get passed the none-too-thrilled future mother-in-law.  All sorts of comical travesties occur for both the men and women.  At one point, they end up in jail at the same damn time.  During these events, all of the couples discover things about themselves or their relationships.  For example: one of the men tries to come to terms with the possibility of being a father, one of the women gets her sexy back, and one of the men discover that maybe they are ready to settle down and get married too.  These revelations are kinda cheesy, but I'll let 'em make it because the rest of the movie is just too funny to care.

Kevin Hart isn't the only funny man in the movie, but he is by far the funniest.  That little man makes you laugh in darn near every scene that he opens his mouth.  Bennet, played by Gary Owens, had me rolling.  He and his fanny pack are so dorky that you can't do anything but laugh.  The women had their moments especially when they were singing my all-time favorite dance song, "Poison".  When I was cracking up at them, was wishing I could break out and dance on the table in Vegas with them.  They all did a fantastic Job.  I will say, I didn't really understand why LaLa Anthony was there as she was completely pointless and she's not a very good actress.  But, neither is Terrence J.  SN:  I really need Terrence to eat a steak or something.  He's just way too skinty.  You know who isn't skinny and was looking very yummy?  Mr. State Farm himself, Dennis Haysbert as Uncle Eddie.  Uncle Eddie could get it...but I digress.

Think Like A Man Too is just as funny as the first.  We lose the whole purpose of the original movie which was to teach women in a comical way how to use their brain differently when trying to cultivate a relationship.  That all is thrown out of the window to simply tell a story.  The story is good enough without all the lesson learning even though everyone does learn a lesson one way or the other.  Go see this movie.  It's great for all races and sexes.  A good time will be had by all.

I move to Houston, TX tomorrow and will be working on Fridays again, so I may not be able to catch movies so early anymore, but when I do, I'll be here writing for you all, so stay tuned.  Transformers is next week.

How to Train Your Dragon 2: 2 Cute

I was super excited to see How to Train Your Dragon 2 because the first one was super adorable.  Well, the second one is super cute too.  How to Train Your Dragon 2 picks up five years later.  The dragons are companions to everyone in Berk, the Viking village high atop a mountain.  Hiccup, the chief's son, goes on a journey of self-discovery after his father tells him he's ready to become chief.  (SPOILER ALERT) Along the way, he finds his mother and tries to convince Drago, a dragon hunter, that dragons are friends and not to be feared.  When he fails, a dragon war begins.

How to Train Your Dragon 2 has an all-star (mostly B-list) cast.  Jay Baruchel reprises his roll as the voice of Hiccup, and so does Gerald Butler as Hiccup's father, Stoic, The Chief.  America Ferrera is Hiccup's fearless girlfriend, Astrid.  The twins are voiced by Kristen Wig and TJ Miller.  Jonah Hill, Craig Ferguson, Christopher Mintz, Cate Blanchett, and the sexy Djimon Hounsou round out the cast.

The kids were very quiet throughout the entire movie, even during the sad parts, and they cheered and clapped at the end.  So, I'd say the kids will be entertained, and there are enough adult jokes in the movie for you to get a chuckle.  Some of the bigger dragons may be a little scary to very little ones, but other than that I think everyone in the family will enjoy it.

Maleficent - Magnificent

I'm so proud of Disney.  They have really stepped up their fantasy game, and joined the modern age where women are independent and self-suffecient and don't need men to take care of them.  Bravo!  I hope the days are gone when Disney and Pixar make movies about a damsel in distress who desperately need a man to save the day.  Maleficent, is such a movie.  Disney takes one of their oldest stories, "Sleeping Beauty", and decides to tell the tale from the "villains" point of view.  

Maleficent, starring Angelina Jolie, explains why Maleficent cursed the King's daughter, Princess Aurora, played by Dakota Fanning's little sister Elle and the youngest Jolie-Pitt, Vivienne.  It starts with Maleficent as a child, finding love as a teenager, and having her heart broken as an adult to the point that she seeks revenge on all humans in the nearby kingdom.  This is a visually pleasing and exciting movie.  There's lots of fantasy inspired creatures and fairies, and the magnitude of Maleficent's magical powers are fascinating and enchanting.

This isn't really a movie for children under the age of like ten.  It's kind of violent.  There are dark battle scenes, a fire-breathing dragon, ferocious fighting trees, and Maleficent can be kind of scary performing her magic and casting spells.  Some of the creatures of Moor (a magical realm near a human kingdom) can be cute and frightening at the same time.  It could give a sensitive little one nightmares.  The adults will enjoy it.  I sure did.  The pre-teens in the theatre with me applauded when it was done.  I'd say, they enjoyed it too even though they were a bit squirmy in the beginning when the action was a little slower.  

I thought Maleficent was magnificent especially since there was a twist to the happy ending.  There was just one thing I didn't like about the movie, the only black man in the movie getting bitch slapped by the white king.  Totally wasn't ok with that.  Other than that, it was great!  You'll enjoy it, but keep the teeny tiny ones at home.  You can thank me later. 

Nothing to see next week, but "Orange is the New Black" starts on June 6th.  

X-Men: Days of Future Past - Top 3 of all the X-Men Movies

I have seen just about every single Marvel Comic movie since Howard the Duck back in 1984.  (Yes Howard the Duck is a Marvel movie.  See the list here.)  So, it means a lot when I say, X-Men: Days of Future Past is one of the best, and definitely in the Top 3 of all the X-Men movies.  I've always enjoyed the X-Men movie series.  They usually are full of action and special effects with a great storyline.  My least favorite was The Wolverine, and even that was entertaining.  But, Days of Future Past is going down as one of my favorites and here's why.

I love sci-fiction movies, and it doesn't get more sci-fi than a movie that takes your from the future to the past with a plausible story.  My little Imp friend, Tyrion Lannister, (G.O.T reference) or Trask, a military scientists, creates these robots who in the future can seek out and destroy mutants and humans carrying the mutant gene.  In a dystopian future, the mutants send Wolverine's conscience to the past to stop the events that lead to the mass production of these robots that will cause a blood bath of a war in the future.  Hello, doesn't that sound AMAZING?!?!  It is.  A plausible storyline always helps make a huge movie a great movie!

The mutants are the best.  Although Hugh Jackman as Wolverine will always be my favorite, Peter Maximoff or Quicksilver, steals the show in his scenes.  His speed and ability is one of the most awe-inspiring.  He can do so much just by being faster than a speeding bullet.  I'm always impressed by Magneto's ability.  I would love to be able to move darn near anything metallic especially cars in my way when I'm trying to get to work.   My new favorite actor, Michael Fassbender, does a young Magneto magnificently.   But, Jennifer Lawrence, as a youthful, determined, and vengeful Mystic or Raven is impressive!  She gets a lot of flack sometimes for not being able to act, but I think she's great, and I was thoroughly convinced that she was out for blood.  There are many other exciting mutantic displays by Shadow Cat, Beast, Storm, Iceman, and Bishop among many others.  You definitely won't be disappointed in that aspect.

One other aspect of the movie that I liked is how it ties all the other ones together.  Sometimes, sequels and prequels make timeline mistakes that a die-hard fan would notice.  Days of Future Past picks up where both The Last Stand and First Class left off which is kinda hard to do since one is a prequel, but they make it work.  Just about everyone from the franchise makes an appearance and that is satisfying even if some of the cameos are brief (ROGUE).  I loved everything about this movie.  X-Men Origins: Wolverine is my favorite and X-men is my second favorite, but mostly because it's the first.  X-Men: Days of Future Past is great, full of a great sci-fi story with lots of mutant action.  It's my third favorite of the series, and one of my all-time favorite Marvel Comic movies.  I enjoyed it, and I know you will too.

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent is next week!

Godzilla - Go see it!

I'll keep this short.  If you want to see gigantic prehistoric looking creatures battle it out, then go see Godzilla.  It's very entertaining!  There's an actual storyline that you can follow, and some characters that you kinda care about...kinda.  The movie's action is great although I would like to have seen more fighting between Godzilla and Muto.  The acting is atrocious, but who cares about these C-list actors (Richard T. Jones has a minor role) because you really came to see a radioactive lizard destroy a radioactive bug.  You won't be disappointed!

SN:  CAN WE PLEASE STOP REMAKING MOVIES?!?!  THERE ARE SOME VERY CREATIVE SCREENWRITERS OUT THERE.  USE THEM.  Now that I've gotten that off my chest.  The new X-men comes out next week.  Can't wait to see it!  Until next week.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2: Not so amazing the second time around.

A superhero movie with way too much romantic teenage love drama is not that interesting to me or most superhero moviegoers.  It's not like when Clarke Kent loved Lois Lane, and as Superman kept trying to save her, or Batman and Catwoman's love games.  No one really cares about Peter Parker's undying and somewhat stalkerish love for Gwen Stacy.  It completely slowed down the story in The Amazing Spider-Man 2: Rise of Electro.

I really enjoyed The Amazing Spider-Man starring Andrew Garfield.  I didn't understand the big deal when that other Spiderman series starring Toby Maguire was in the theaters.  I didn't like a single one, so I was a little hesitant to see this new series, but I was pleasantly surprised.  I liked how witty Peter Parker was, and the action in the story kept me entertained, and while the action scenes in this sequel were great, I found this movie to be a snoozefest...literally.  The lady in front of me started playing solitaire on her phone, and I'm pretty sure the guy behind me was snoring.  Heck, I even took a quick nap too.  

Jamie Foxx as Max Dillon and Electro was thrilling with and air absurdity.  No one ever thought that a man high off electricity should maybe be kept away from it?  And, we're supposed to believe that a sickly teenager can walk into a high-powered prison because he's wealthy and take down two armed guards with his bare hands?  I know it's just a movie, but it was a little far-fetched even for a comic book inspired film.  But, that love story between Peter and Gwen was the straw that broke the camel's back.  It was excessive.  It took over the movie, and made it more of a rom-com than an action movie.  I didn't sign up for that, and most of those in the theatre didn't either.  

The best part of the movie was when the movie ended, and we got a sneak peek of the X-men movie during the credits.  What sucks is that you have to sit there for two and a half hours to see it.  I can't recommend this movie because it's boring and the energy flatlines throughout.  If you want to see a blue  Jamie Foxx or some pretty cool special effects, then take a look but remember I warned you.  The Amazing Spider-Man 2 isn't so amazing.